Fear The Fan Sports Blog

Compendium Preview: Moose Monroe

2010-03-10T11:33:02Z

12. Greg Monroe, #10, Sophomore, F-C, 6’11, 250 lbs - Georgetown

11 assists? Have you ever heard of a big man having 11 assists? That’s like going to a bar with 2 friends, and having everyone take a girl home. It just never happens, and Greg Monroe did it against Providence. To keep it all in perspective, Providence is one of the worst defensive teams to ever play in the Big East. It seems like everyone puts up huge numbers against them, but 11 assists?

We raged and debated over this selection. Who was more pivotal to the success of the Hoyas, Freeman or Monroe? We decided on Greg. (Obviously) This year against Syracuse, we saw Monroe held assist-less for the first time all year, and in the next match-up with the Orange, he only had one. That said it all.

When Moose is passing well, Georgetown is one of the best teams in the country. (Duke game) When he’s too passive, and not finding his teammates, they’re just a relatively undersized team running the Princeton offense. (1st Syracuse game) Sometimes he forgets how good he is. (see: Dwight Howard)

He’s a freak athlete, monster rebounder, more skilled than any other big man in the country, and when he decides he wants to score, no one can stop him. But his passing is the key. He’s averaging close to 4 assists a game, and if Georgetown is going to make a deep run, they will need that facet of Moose’s game to shine.

Compendium Preview: Tweety Carter

2010-03-07T13:33:41Z

From the players section, aka girlfriend grabbers:

Tweety Carter, #45, senior, PG, 5’11, 180 lbs – Baylor

If we told you Demond got his nickname from being obsessed with Twitter, we’d be lying. The nickname ‘Tweety’ was given to Carter from his grandmother; it came from the high pitched noise baby Tweety made when he cried. When we were discussing who to cover on Baylor, we kept coming back to the same thought - how can a 5’11 guard named Tweety not be awesome?

Of all the storied high school careers that have been discussed in the compendium, Tweety’s stands above them all. Tweety made the Reserve Christian (Louisiana) Boys Varsity basketball team as a 7th grader and averaged 15 PPG that year. He went on to win 4 state titles and became a 5 time POY in Louisiana. Tweety scored 74 points in one game, and they retired his jersey while he was still playing, but not while he was in the middle of a game, because then he would have had nothing to wear. His spot on the McDonald’s All-American roster was guaranteed from the time he was a sophomore. But the big schools shied away and Tweety became a Baylor Bear, the 1st McDonalds All-American to do so.

Now Tweety is a senior and he’s the catalyst behind a vastly underappreciated Baylor team. He’s leading the Big 12 in assists and is part of a 3-headed scoring monster in Waco. Tweety is best in transition, but he isn’t shy about pulling up from anywhere inside half court. He isn’t the first scoring option on Baylor, and he doesn’t have to be, because his passing has drastically improved throughout his 4 years.

In Tweety’s 3 previous seasons, Baylor has only made the NCAA tournament once. In 2008, the 11th seeded Bears lost to Purdue 90-79 in Washington, DC. Carter was 3-12 from the field.

Tweety’s not used to struggling like that. He’s the highest scoring varsity high school basketball player in US history. After transforming himself from the most prolific scoring high school basketball player in the history of the sport to the best assist man in the entire conference, this is likely Tweetey’s last hurrah. If and when Baylor does lose, that high pitched howl that will emit from your flatscreen TV won’t be another example of Japanese manufacturing incompetence, it will be the cries of a high school basketball legend.

King of NY? Maybe - But would you bet on it?

2010-02-14T16:50:16Z

Here are the updated odds on where King James is headed this summer -

Cavs: -300

NY Knicks: +240

NJ Nets: +800

Pistons: +2000

Miami and Chicago are not on here. Cleveland is the heavy favorite, and you would assume if Jamison or Amare head to Cleveland - the Cavs would be a bigger favorite.

World Cup, 2010 Free Agency, Yanks defending a title - is it summer yet?

courtesy of sportsbook.com

Where the hell have we been?

2010-02-08T16:49:17Z

Sorry if we haven’t posted in a while. We’ve been doing all our writing about gambling, and drinking too much during Knicks games to put together anything close to a complete sentence. Find us on here:

Our Gambling Addicted Partners

Let us know if you want to do MDG next year… It’s been the best 2 months of our lives…

Declare Your Upset: Game 18

2009-12-02T22:36:44Z

Knicks Game Blog

Game #18, Home Game #10
Suns @ NY Knicks
December 1, 2009 7:30 PM
Attendance: 19,699

Record: 3-13
Spread: Knicks +13

(For those who aren’t regular readers - Crick and BG are in the first year of what is hopefully a lifelong commitment to New York Knicks season tickets. On Fear the Fan, they will attempt to detail their experiences as season ticket holders with full summaries of each of the Knicks’ 41 home games, as seen from their seats.)

I’ve never been to a game where the entire crowd was united against one team in expecting them to lose. At the bar (only one drink this time) it was unanimous, everyone agreed the Knicks were going to lose. A guy in the pizza line told me the Knicks were going to lose by a Derrick Coleman. He meant 44. I got it instantly, thought it was clever and then bet on the Knicks. Public money is a joke.

1ST QUARTER

0-0: Grant Hill isn’t on crutches, I’m confused? No, I’m kidding – I heard it’s his 100th consecutive game. Am I jinxing him as we speak?

2-2: Not much of a shootout if you ask me.

13-11: Gallo is 3 for 3. If a team’s best shooter is 1000x better in the first than the 4th – shouldn’t we work on his conditioning? Shouldn’t we work on everyone else’s shot? The Suns have turned the ball over about 14 times already. Amare is wearing glasses like he just got out of woodshop. The weird part is that they kind of look bad ass. Amare gets a technical for literally nothing. Can we please keep getting these calls?

21-13: Little run happening here. Gallo has 10 already. Nash keeps going over to D’Antoni and talking about something. They keep laughing. I imagine them making fun of Duhon – it makes me laugh too.

30-23: Opening up a little bit here. This is the best 1st quarter we’ve had all year. Lee is all over the boards.

35-26: The guy next to me said they should call Phoenix, ‘Nash-ville.’ I get it.

2ND QUARTER

41-28: Hughes is playing like he’s trying to get paid. This is probably the longest D’Antoni has waited to put Nasty in. Maybe I just hate Duhon, but I love the team so much more when he’s on the bench.

44-20: Al for 3. Harrington has got to be the favorite for 6th man of the year. He’s basically a starter, but the award still belongs to him. (at least ¼ way through the season anyway)

51-37: Hughes just came out of the game. He has 10 assists in 19 minutes.

51-40: Dudley just grabbed an offensive rebound off of a missed foul shot and threw it off of Harrington. I’m not sure if there’s a college basketball player in the last 10 years I’ve hated more than Dudley. He made me hate BC and I think I still might.

52-45: Amare has the Rasheed Wallace sporadic facial hair thing going. I think Amare is the least talked about 2010 free agent. The Suns are chipping away at this lead.

56-46: Al Harrington is definitely in my top 10 underappreciated NBA players. I’m making that an award.

65-52: Gallo hits his 4th 3 pointer of the game. He must have money on it or something.

3rd Quarter

78-62: Nash is leading the Suns with 15 points so far. This is a good sign. Maybe our Robinson/Duhon/Hughes triple headed monster is too much for him to handle.

84-64: Gallo hits back to back 3’s after grabbing a monster board. His second one was from just inside half court. Is he the best shooter in the NBA? Look me in the eye and tell me he’s not.

90-66: I mean we’re just coming together tonight. Earl Clark makes a jumper. What a stud at Louisville, he seemed so much bigger last year…

4th quarter

102-76: Everyone at the Garden is in shock. The Knicks basically have a 4 touchdown lead and people are unsure whether they should leave, stay, or throw up. I’m staying and throwing up- on the 6 year old girl in front of me. She’s wearing a Dragic jersey. Funny, is there an NBA player that looks more like a child molester? I joke that the girl is Dragic’s girlfriend. 1 out of 5 people find it funny, there are 4 people around me. And no, I don’t think he looks like Eli Manning either.

108-80: Alvin Gentry got a technical. He’s screaming ‘call the foul.’ I think I have to agree with them. I’ve never seen more no-calls in my 149 years of watching the NBA.

112-82: Our first round draft pick just went in for the first time. Did he bang Donnie Walsh’s wife or something? I haven’t seen one thing Hill has done that has earned him this string of DNPs and garbage minutes.

119-94: Hill hits a baseline pull up. Someone get him the fuck out of the game!!

126-99 – The Knicks win?

Declare Your Witch Doctor Eye, Stu Scott: Game 17

2009-11-30T04:55:44Z

Knicks Game Blog
Declare Your

Game #17, Home Game #9
Orlando Magic @ NY Knicks
November 29, 2009 6:00 PM
Attendance: 19,699

Record: 3-13
Spread: Knicks +6

I really need a winning streak. When Crick and I first hatched the idea of this buy-a-season-ticket-and-chronicle-our-experiences-as-season-ticket-holders idea, we never expected the Knicks to be good. We knew this season would serve as a trial run for us as both fans and writers. It would be warm up for us before the Knicks became an actual basketball team. But, even at our most pessimistic moments, we never expected it to be this brutal.

Just because the tunnel is darker than expected doesn’t mean that the light at the end is any less bright than it was a month ago. 7/1/10 still looms, and as difficult it may seem now it’s important as Knicks fans to remember that this season was a Ray Guy punt from the start and that the real excitement will begin this summer.

With all of that in mind, I’m prepping for tip off again here at MSG. Expect the usual - nicknames for opposing players that are only funny to me, references to how many beers I drink because drinking is cool, and the most Chris Duhon hate you’ll find on the World Wide Web.

1ST QUARTER

0-2 - The Knicks didn’t make me wait long for my first booing of Vince Carter as VC hits a jumper to open the scoring. I’m not going to say anything mean about Vince that hasn’t already been said (just google “vince carter” and “vagina”), but I can’t help but be reminded of the guy whenever I see Pete Campbell on Mad Men. Campbell’s a sniveling, scheming, overrated, brat who nobody likes. I can’t figure out why he reminds me of Vince so much.

5-7 - Wilson Chandler gets a quick 4 points. The 2,500 Chandler fans in attendance who can’t believe they dropped $80 on a Chandler Swingman jersey a year ago just deeply sighed and sipped their beers.

15-17 - Chandler and Lee are playing well but the Magic are spreading their offense around. Jason Williams just got on the board. Our seats are pretty good, but not good enough to be able to see the greatest tattoo in NBA history…

19-17 - Duhon is 2/2 and the Knicks have the lead. No joke here, this is real.

29-26 Gallo! There’s a nervous buzz in the building when Gallo gets a look at a three. We’re like a beaten dog, slowly approaching our new owner as he offers up a treat. And Gallo is the Dog Whisperer.

2ND QUARTER

35-35 - I usually have all kinds of complaints about nearby fans at this point, but these Sunday games bring out a family crowd. A lot of families mean a lot of short kids who don’t block your view, random hot moms, and short lines at the beer stand. Sunday games mean short people, milfs, and quick access to beer - no wonder churches are filled with little kids and old women.

37-37 - JJ Redick drives drunk to the basket, hits a jumper, shows off his backne, reads a poem, then pisses on a woman in the first row. Phew, got that out of my system.

42-37 - Gallo hits another 3 to put the Knicks up 5. After 4 games in 5 days, the Magic look as lazy as Stu Scott’s left eye.

52-52 - Duhon and Matt Barnes hit back to back 3s in a highly competitive game. That’s the most unlikely back to back feat since the same guy played Michael Oher and Precious in consecutive movies.

3RD QUARTER

61-66 - Lewis and Pietrus each hit a 3 to put the Magic up 5. I should be upset, but I’m still giggling from the Blind Side joke.

64-73 - I can’t overstate how important the combination of cold Bud Lights and my cell phone memo pad is to my Knicks experience. Without catching a buzz while typing out one liners to use in my post, I’d be as lost as Eddy Curry trying to turn on a treadmill.

73-82 - My energy in this game has transformed faster than Christian Bale after filming The Machinist. It probably has as much to do with the 3 day old turkey and 80 ounces of Bud Light in my stomach as it does with the Knicks performance this quarter, but I blame it entirely on Chris Duhon and his stupid face.

4TH QUARTER

77-89 - I expect D’Antoni to dick around Hill…but where the hell is T-Doog???

86-94 - Nasty Nate is going kind of bonkers right now. He’s just pulling up and hitting high arching jumpers. The guy is so cool you almost forget he can’t cover anyone other than Earl Boykins and is ice cold 3 out of every 4 games.

95-106 - Just checked my phone, Nate has NINETEEN points in the 4th quarter. And the Knicks somehow lost ground. That’s all you need to about Ol’ Nasty.

102-114 - Al Harrington tosses and turns all night, dreaming of repeatedly dunking while down 10 with less than a minute left in the 4th quarter. He’s actually running back on defense with a boner.

FINAL - MAGIC WIN - 114-102

Even the Knicks can’t cover in obvious trap games. Considering Jameer Nelson’s injury and the fact that this was the end of a long, successful road trip, “LET DOWN GAME” might as well have been flashing on the MSG marquee. But the Magic hung around and pulled away with ease in the 2nd half. The Knicks only played 8 guys in what appears to be a a giant middle finger from D’Antoni to Knicks fans. Benching your two rookies during a rebuilding year? That’s as stupid as passing on a franchise PG in the draft for a PF who doesn’t even fit into your system. Oh, wait…

Declare Your Kevin: Game 13

2009-11-23T21:08:06Z

Knicks Game Blog
Declare Your

Game #13, Home Game #8
Boston Celtics @ NY Knicks
November 22, 2009 7:30 PM
Attendance: 19,699

Record: 3-9
Spread: Knicks +10

Little different touch to this ‘Declare,’ mainly because I was drunk during the game. I already got bitched at by BG who said things like:
“You say you want the fucking Boston game, and you get trashed?!”
“I knew you were drunk when you texted me ‘Durant is washed up.’”
BG and I made one rule: do not get drunk during the game. I, personally, felt this rule was breakable because we were both in a bar, drunk, when we decided it was going to be a rule.

Maybe I did confuse Kevin Garnett and Kevin Durant, but I’m positive I knew the difference before I started drinking. So instead of game scores (which I will go back to next post), I’m going to post in real-time of what I remember.

10:45 – My cousin calls, says he got a ticket to the game. It’s always better when you don’t have to go places alone. Whenever I’m alone I always run into someone and it never fails that they say something stupid like “Wow, Crick, are you getting ice cream alone?” No… I’m waiting for someone but she’s late, you douche.

10:46 – We’re both on our way to Midtown for all the screwdrivers we can drink. It’s all you can drink screwdrivers from 11-2 for $10.99.

12:25 – I get into an argument with a guy in a Jets jersey about the Knicks. My main point is that despite the slow start, they’re still really fun to watch. He said he’d rather watch paint dry. I said he should buy season tickets. I’m still not sure if he thought that was a good joke.

12:36 – Enter the Mecca.

12:42 – I get to my seats and throw up - there are Celtics fans on either side of me. I happen to know that a banker named Mike and an attorney named Roger, who goes by Rick, sit on either side of our seat and I’m wondering how these 2 Celtics fans got these tickets. I will try to remember to address this next time I see them.

12:43 – Literally, the first words out of Boston fan’s stupid mouth are, “Rough year for you guys so far.”

It’s 30-22 at the end of the first. If we’re close at the end of the 1st quarter, I always feel like we have a chance.

1:45 – I’m literally obsessed with our upcoming road trip. 3 games on the West Coast in 4 days, and then we come home to deal with Dwight Howard. I’m thinking about this because I somehow just convinced myself this is a must win game.

1:51 – Wilson Chandler tips in a Harrington miss and the game is tied. In my notes there’s just a number 6 – I have no idea what it means. 6ish minutes left? Sometime after that, Gallo steals the ball off a Rondo pass and I note that Gallo is an underrated defender. I write this in almost all my sets of notes and I’m 90% positive that, in my current state, I’m getting close to overrating him as a defender.

56-53 – End of half.

(Let me apologize in advance for this. I’m piecing together text messages, notes scribbled on my jeans, and e-mails I sent to myself.)
My cousin and I have been ordering Manhattans and talk about how disgusting they are to actually drink. So we get a couple more and head back to the seats. The highlight of the night is Will Ferrell. I found out later that he was filming scenes from his upcoming movie “The Other Guys.” Mark Wahlberg and Tracy Morgan are also sitting with him. The place erupts when they show Ferrell – not so much with Duhon. Now I can say I was at this game when they were filming the movie. Over time I’m sure this story will evolve into me being in the movie, or at least involved in its production.

Knicks go on a bit of a run, completely fueled by Harrington. They have the lead going into the 4th. I tell the Boston fan to the left of me to “shut his face up”. Some hot girl with a boyfriend thinks it funny. (I’m only 75% sure she was laughing at my joke.)

The Boston fan to the right of me is gone and he’s replaced by a college aged looking kid. He goes to Columbia and we start talking about the draft. He says it’s not horrible that the Knicks don’t have a draft pick this year. His theory is that if the Detroit Lions never had a draft pick in the past 8 years, they might be better off today. He agreed the theory applies to almost no other team but hey, if it helps him sleep at night…

I think I’ll be scared of 4th quarters for the remainder of the year until I replace the images of Monta Ellis beating the shit out of us. I think I see him come off the bench for Boston. I scream, then faint. The paramedics and fans around me assure me he can’t hurt us anymore.

89-84 - Eddy misses a free throw and the kid turns to me and says, “that’s going to bite us in the ass”. I tell him it’s going to be okay. (There’s a 50% chance we held hands for a second, but I’m pretty sure we didn’t.)
2ish minutes left – Ray Allen makes a 3. 96-94 bad guys. I don’t think I’ve ever heard 19,000 people simultaneously say the word fuck before. Boston fan looks over at me. (I keep my eyes forward.)

17 seconds left – Gallo comes in for Chandler. Harrington gets fouled. I have no confidence with him on the line but he makes them both. (So that’s why we pay him…) Rondo misses a 3.

Overtime; I’m starting to sober up.

Pierce makes a 3. (Pretty annoying) I think there’s something about MSG this year that makes it easy to take the wind out of our sails. I never remember this happening growing up. Isn’t Pierce supposed to miss this shot? Then Ewing’ll grab the board and outlet to Starks for a 3? Damn it.

2ish minutes left – Finally Wilson Chandler comes back in. Harrington gets the deficit to 2.

PICK AND ROLL – LEE SCORES – 9 SECONDS LEFT!!!!!!!

Kevin Durant is washed up.

Declare Your New Haircut: Game 10

2009-11-13T23:56:59Z

Knicks Game Blog
Declare Your

Game #10, Home Game #7
Golden State Warriors @ NY Knicks
November 13, 2009 7:30 PM
Attendance: 19,699

Record: 1-8
Spread: Knicks -4
ATS: 0-1 as a favorite this year, 2-7 ATS total
I wish I was kidding: Since 1996, the Knicks are 212-251 against teams with losing records

Watching Curry warm up is like watching your ex-girlfriend walk into a bar with another guy. It leaves this strange feeling that just sits in the pit of your stomach. It’s not jealousy or regret, it’s more of a nostalgia. What never would have worked out anyway. And it’s even worse when right after seeing your ex, you turn to see your current girlfriend. The faults of the status-quo become even more profound: a la Chris Duhon.

Duhon, I’m sorry to say, is still holding his spot in the starting lineup and I suspect (hope) it won’t be for long.

Eddy Curry returned to practice today and Donnie Walsh was really talking him up. The weird thing is I actually believe him. Curry looks great. Did I just say that?

Duhon, Hughes, Chandler, Gallo, and Lee are on the court to start the game. Steph Curry is on the bench, not like I was looking for him or anything… But 2nd year player Anthony Morrow gets the nod.
Here we go.
My buddies rip on Mike Brey, because he never wears a tie and looks like a low level wise guy for the mob. They’d be thrilled to see Nelson is rocking the typical t-shirt-under-the-blazer, in case anyone still actually believed Nelson cared.

0-0: Gallo got a haircut. I’m not the guy who usually notices it – that would be my buddy Noon, but this is unmistakable. Don Nelson and Stephen Jackson noticeably don’t like each other. I’m sure it’s not Stephen – he’s got locker room guy written all over him. And he misses a jumper right on cue.

2-0: David Lee Alley OOP!! Ahh!! Literally the whitest lay-up I’ve ever seen. It’s like when you and your 6-foot friends lower the hoop to 9-feet so you all can dunk, but it still just looks weird.

5-0: Gallo makes a three from the corner with Monta Ellis’ hand in his face. His shot is unblockable. (I think Ellis was trying to run his hands through Gallo’s hair - I can’t blame him)

5-9: A guy in my section wearing a Gallo jersey literally just got up and left. The 9 year-old kid next to me bet me 6:1 he wasn’t coming back, you know you’re in New York when… I put $5 down.

15-16: Gallo just ripped down back to back boards and finishes; when I say back to back I mean in-between getting called for a bullshit block and a travel in the post. Is Gallo fat? I can’t tell. I think when people are on the fence (Gallo, David Lee, Big Ben, and Luke Harangody) they should just let us see them with their shirts off. Is that weird?

18-20: Lee got bailed out by the official. T-Doog and Nasty-Nate check in.

21-28: I have no idea what happened but Lee just got called for his second foul. The Knicks have these 45 second lapses about 4 times a game and then the game is out of their reach. Please don’t let it happen tonight.

22-28: Ha. They made Gallo’s shot a 3 instead of a 2. If they review a shot like that does it end a run? I don’t think they should be allowed to play that Pink song (I’m gonna start a fight) when Stephen Jackson is in the building. I can see his left fist clenching from here.

26-32: Ok we can work with this. T-Doog goes backdoor to end the quarter. I heard some girls in Tallahassee say he was all about the backdoor. I’m so happy he’s bringing it to New York!!

Start of the 2nd Quarter

Nasty and T-Doog make the team look so much better than Duhon and Hughes. Am I crazy here?!!

31-34: T-Doog just made a jump shot, assisted Nasty, rebounded, led the fast break, and bounce passed the ball to Chandler who was fouled. Am I crazy here?!!

31-38: BG just texted me that Walt Frazier (on MSG Network) just said, “Stephen Jackson can’t control what goes in or out of his mouth.” I get why it’s funny, but what could Frazier mean by he can’t control what goes in his mouth? Is Jackson eating babies? Too many carbs? WHAT DO YOU MEAN WALT!!!

35-42: Jackson just got called for a technical for punching a baby in the face. Okay, actually it was defensive 3 seconds.

38-42: Every time MSG plays a ‘Kings of Leon’ song Stephen Jackson misses a 3. The kid next to me tells me it’s MSG’s band of the night. Dude in the Gallo jersey returned, kid wouldn’t pay up. (He’s probably from Jersey)

(Why didn’t I use the real music video? Because Kings of Leon have disabled embedding on Youtube. That’s a pretty bitter move.)

38-46: T-Doog just lobbed the ball into the 5th row, and D’Antoni called a timeout. Knicks turn it over and the Warriors have a 2-0. (Stephen Jackson was literally walking back into the play. He wasn’t even at the timeline with 12 seconds left on the shot clock)

43-56: I just got an update on my phone that Jeffries has been sidelined with ‘general soreness?’ Um – don’t we all have that? I don’t think I could call out of work for that. I’m not sure if that’s an acceptable excuse for anything actually. This is the biggest deficit of the game and still no sign of Curry. Stephen Jackson is killing us. Literally, he’s punching fans all over MSG.

66-52. Halftime. The half wasn’t horrible. It got away for a little bit, but it’s the NBA, everyone makes a run and we’re in the game. The 9 year-old next to me pounds a soda every time his dad gets a beer. It’s kind of weird, and when I say weird I mean cool as shit. I hope my son does the exact same thing – and then drives me home. At 9 years old.

Start of the 3rd Quarter

54-66: Holy shit – Jordan Hill shows off the lost art of the mid-range jumper.

54-68: Hill also showing off turnovers.

62-72: Ok, not to make the entire 3rd quarter about Hill, but I’m pretty into him to be honest. He has 8 points, 14 rebounds, and 29 blocks in like 4 minutes. I dig his hair, and he seems like a nice guy.

65-74: GALLO. It’s a 10-2 run I think? Something like that. And just to clarify, it’s not a run until Gallo drops one in from 3 point land.

69-81: T-Doog is back in. The crowd is getting into it. The 9 year old is pounding sprites and Duhon is on the bench!! T-Doog hits a runner, and the crowd cheers. (Because Duhon is on the bench)

69-82: Bullshit fouls on Hill. He picked up 4 fouls in like 19 seconds. He’s got a great ‘bullshit foul’ smile though.

74-82: 2 minutes left, T-Doog cuts it to 8.

78-85: Knicks have been in a zone for the last 6-7 minutes of the quarter and it appears to be giving Don Nelson heartburn. Oh – never mind, it was just the lamb gyro he housed during the timeout.

80-86: End of the 3rd quarter.
(Kings of Leon in the background)

I have this theory about the Knicks being the best team in the NBA from the 6 minute mark in the 3rd quarter until the start of the 4th. This is the game we finish.

82-92: Warriors start the quarter with back to back 3’s.

84-97: Stephen Jackson is a class act.

88-101: Monta Ellis is jump stepping the Knicks to a 1-9 record.

92-108: Between the fans and the Knicks, I don’t know who has worse body language. I’m going with the Knicks.

94-111: The Warriors haven’t won on the road and haven’t given up less than 105 points. I’m approaching Paris level of bitterness.

99-113: It looks like the Knicks are making a serious run at the 105 mark here. The Garden is on their feet.

106-119: They did it. They scored more than 105 points on a Jordan Hill tip. YES!!!

106-121: Anthony Morrow just got a transition bucket off a Steph Curry block. Curry blocked David Lee and Lee is proceeding to talk shit and act like he’s going to rough up Steph. This is pathetic. David Lee is acting like his younger brother just blocked his shot - he’s furious.

107-121: Final score

That was the worst 4th quarter I’ve ever watched. Down by 6 going into the 4th. Should the Knicks have dropped out of the zone after the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd 3-pointer? They looked tired. I’m hopeful for Wednesday.

Declare Your Celebrity Look Alike: Game 9

2009-11-12T04:58:58Z

Knicks Game Blog
Declare Your King
Game #9, Home Game #6
Atlanta Hawks @ NY Knicks
November 11, 2009 7:30 PM
Attendance: 19,699
Duration: 2:10

Well, this isn’t exactly how we planned it. When Crick and I bought this season ticket, we were expecting to see the Knicks build off their 34-48 season and be part of the mass of mediocre teams in the middle of the Eastern Conference. We never considered the Knicks would be on the cusp of tying the worst start in the history of the franchise. But, here we are. If the Knicks don’t upset a very talented Atlanta Hawks squad, they’ll fall to 1-8 and all of a sudden the franchise worst mark of 21 wins will be in sight.

Tonight, I’ll be keeping a close eye on two players - Toney “T-Doog” Doglas and Jumpin Joe Johnson. T-Doog is quickly becoming a blog favorite because of his ability to drive to the basket and because he keeps alive the hope that Chris Duhon will finally be eliminated from D’Antoni’s rotation. Jumpin Joe is a free agent after this season and if Donnie Walsh’s dream of landing two marquee players this offseason were to come true, Jumpin Joe could easily be that second piece (after Leapin LeBron, of course).

1ST QUARTER

0-0: ha HA! Jumpin Joe misses the first shot of the game and T-Doog comes out with rebound. Love at first shot.

0-2: The Duhon-is-throwing-games theory picks up some more steam as a horrible pass gets picked off by Josh Smith for an easy dunk as the Knicks set the record for “Quickest Chorus of Boos from the MSG Crowd.”

3-5: Another Duhon turnover. From where I’m sitting, it really seems like Carlton Banks is playing PG for the Knicks.

10-7: I hope you’re watching, LBJ. T-Doog and Gallo score the Knicks’ first 10 points. Watch your backs MJ and Scottie!

18-18: Jamal Crawford sinks a jumper to tie it. Sure, Jamal doesn’t give a shit about defense, passing, or rebounding, but it’s good to see him again. He’s like that college friend that was a lot of fun back in the day who you can’t really associate with anymore in adult life. Every time you run into him now, you can’t help but drink too much and stay up all night reminiscing. Sure, if you sit and think about it, you remember all the drunken fights and that time you caught him with his hand on your girlfriend’s ass…but that’s why you only see him once in a while. Welcome back, Jamal.

25-23: Who the fuck is Maurice Evans. Oh. After Ronnie “Role Models” Price’s success on Wednesday and Maurice’s 3 to end the 1st quarter, I’m realizing that this “who the fuck is…” entry will be a regular feature. Madison Square Garden - where 11th men go to shine!

2ND QUARTER

35-27: Jumpin Joe re-enters the game and promptly commits two turnovers. Carlton Banks takes that as a direct challenge.

37-27: Al Harrington comes out of nowhere for a tip in slam after a Huuuughes miss and ATL takes the timeout. Al doesn’t crash the boards often, but when he does no one even thinks about boxing him out. He’s got sneaky effort.

42-32: Zaza Pachulia’s offensive board sets up Jumpin Joe for a 3 pointer. Wasn’t Zaza Pachulia that Batman villain who carved a tally in his skin every time he killed somebody? I heard his brother Two Face Pachulia is a 6’11 19 year old in the Serbian Basketball Association and Chard Ford is projecting him for the lottery.

51-37: The Knicks are hitting open shots and have been outplaying one the best teams in the conference. It’s been so much fun that I’m only on pace for three beers tonight. If the Knicks win a championship one day, my liver might actually live past 30.

54-47: My updated rankings of “Best Racially-Ambiguous NBA Players” is: 1) Boozer the Bruiser, 2) Mike Bibby, and 3) Anthony Parker.

3RD QUARTER

61-58: Uh oh, here come the Hawks. Carlton Banks misses a lay up and Josh Smith follows with an easy basket on the other end.

67-64: This feels like one of those nights when you’re carrying a perfect buzz into a bar and every word you say makes some cute girl laugh. But you have a couple more beers, take a couple shots with friends, and all of a sudden the mojo is slipping away and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. You slur a couple of punchlines, you slip off the stool and look around frantically hoping no one saw, and you say something wildly inappropriate that sounded completely legitimate until you heard it out loud. Why did the Knicks have to take that shot of Beam? I blame this all on our old friend Jamal.

71-78: The Hawks are on a run and I don’t think they’ve taken a shot from farther away than 10 feet the last 5 minutes. I’m impressed that it only took the Hawks three quarters to realize the Knicks have no interior defense.

77-84: Starvin Marvin Williams scores to move the Hawks lead to 7. I’ve been waiting all game for him to do something just so I’d be able to go home and look up a picture of the original Starvin Marvin.

4TH QUARTER

79-88: T-Doog comes in for Carlton and the crowd cheers. As badly as Walsh missed on the Knicks’ 1st round pick, grabbing T-Doog for a 2011 2nd round pick and $3 million looks like a move that could dividends for years. The kid’s got an aura.

86-94: The ball just went through Jeffries hands. Right through his freaking hands. I’ve only been attending games this year, but this is the loudest I’ve heard the boos in MSG. Brutal, brutal turnover.

97-111: The Knicks are emptying the bench with 90 seconds left. And by emptying the bench I mean finally putting lottery pick Jordan Hill on the floor. I wonder what Brandon Jennings is doing tonight? (Editor’s Note: 32 points, 9 assists in a win over the Nuggets.)

101-114: More boos as the game ends. Honestly, the performance was better than I expected and the final score doesn’t reflect how close the game was throughout the first half. Now, the Knicks need a win over the Warriors on Friday in order to avoid setting a franchise record for worst record in team history.

Declare Your Stolen Lottery Pick: Game 8

2009-11-10T03:01:38Z

Knicks Game Blog
Declare Your King
Game #8, Home Game #5
Utah Jazz @ NY Knicks
November 9, 2009 7:30 PM
Attendance: 19,355
Duration: 2:40

The ghost of Tom Gugliotta haunts the Garden tonight. A long time ago, when Stephon Marbury was considered a sane human being and evil forces ruled the Knicks’ front office, the Knicks 2009 first round pick was given away. Like a twenty dollar bill with traces of cocaine, the pick passed hands over the years, never losing the original Curse of Isiah. It was twice traded (first for Stephon Marbury then for Tom Gugliotta), and both times the trade directly lead to the end of the career of the player involved.

Now that the pick is on the brink of finally being used, its mystical powers are doing its best to ruin both its creator and its current holder. The Jazz have consistently suffered late game collapses to stumble to a disappointing 2-4 start, while the Knicks are one of the surprises of the league - because of how mind boggling terrible they’ve been.

To combat Goog’s Ghost and the Curse of Isiah tonight, I’m going to use the same defense for all things bad I’ve used my entire life - Bud Light. This plastic cup is the safest thing in the building. Onto the game.

1ST QUARTER

0-0 - Gallo with the early block! The sparse crowd reacts excitedly and we’re off.

4-6 - I’m expecting Boozer to have a big night because if anyone on the floor tonight has a connection with evil spirits, it’s Boozer the Bruiser. He looks like an extra on The Shield.

10-12 - A lot of early back and forth with everyone (yes, including Duhon) getting involved in the scoring. Apparently, the crowd used up its energy on the Gallo block because it feels like I’m sitting in a Mormon church right now. Well, a mormon church that lets you hold two beers at once and that attracts cleavage loving New Jersey girls. (Good luck googling cleavage for the next 20 minutes.)

10-22 - At least the Knicks are predictable. A Duhon turnover, a Harrington turnover, and all of a sudden this game is getting out of hand. It’s cool to see Mehmet Okur involved in the run because it gives all of us drinkers hope that we, too, can show up at work hungover and do a good job.

16-25 - Remember when the Knicks were a good offensive team? They’re like some busted chick with fake tits who gets some confidence and removes her implants. They went from being one dimensional to the rare status of zero dimensional.

2ND QUARTER

24-31 - Every man has his limits. I can stomach the Jazz fearlessly driving to the basket for easy layups. I can stomach the Knicks missing wide open shots. But to see Jared Jeffries run around like a hippie tripping on acid, trying to fight his (female) supermodel frame through a screen, getting a hand in a shooter’s face a good second and a half after the ball is already off the shooter’s finger tips…it just makes you want to make another beer run.

26-37 - Who the fuck is Ronnie Price. Oh. You go by Ronnie??? Really? At this point, I’m pretty sure Ronnie from Role Models could put up a 12/8/4 line against the Knicks tonight.

31-41 - Boozer the Bruiser is crushing the Knicks on the boards. He’s the best ethnically ambiguous player in the league, just ahead of Anthony Parker.

31-48 - This is like one of those blind dates where one person excuses themselves to go to the bathroom but climbs out the window to get the hell away. I’m pretty sure half of this crowd is sneaking away at halftime.

3RD QUARTER

34-52 - As much as I despise Duhon, he does have a way of making very good PGs (see CP3) struggle scoring for early parts of the game. Seeing Duhon on your schedule probably has similar effects to having Geology class the next day - you get hammered the night before because you know you can throw it into cruise control tomorrow. Obviously, these hangovers have been working in Duhon’s favor.

44-58 - Can someone remind David Lee and Al Harrington that they’re in contract years? I know concepts like pride, respect, and accountability don’t matter to these guys, but you’d think the threat of a reduced paycheck would inspire them to rebound and play defense.

61-74 - Lots of scoring, lots of the same. I’m sitting in the 300s section and I can clearly hear Sloan yell play calls to Deron Williams. The most exciting part of this game is watching the Out of Town Scoreboard to see if Isiah will lose his opener to UNC by more than we lose to the team who stole our 2009 1st round pick.

64-78 - Eric “Duke Killer” Maynor draws a foul from a surprisingly effective Chandler with 3 seconds left in the period and sinks both free throws. At least this reminds to watch the 2007 game winner against Duke over and over again when I get home tonight.

4TH QUARTER

68-80 - It definitely makes a difference having a legitimate NBA player playing PG instead of Chris Duhon. T-Doog (Toney Douglas) has been a scoring threat all night and is a silver lining in an otherwise dark, stormy, Isiah Cursed cloud.

79-84 - Back to back Gallo and Al 3s and all of a sudden we have a game. I’m saying a prayer over my magical Bud Lights as the Curse of Isiah is crippling the Jazz. Can the Knicks avenge the theft of their lottery pick? Doubtful, but it’d be cool to be one of the 2,400 people here who get to see it in person.

83-84 - T-Doog steal and Al sends it home! I just rose to my feet and it didn’t even feel awkward.

87-90 - Jeffries gets a tip in and sprints down the court like he doesn’t want to look back to see the ref waive it off. You know the Curse is in play if Jeffries is picking up effort points.

89-92 - Jeffries draws the offensive foul! This new effective Jeffries is the most surprising development since Samuel L. Jackson led the Knicks in scoring.

93-93 - T-Doog ties it up with two straight lay ups. The boy is free from the Curse and the boy will save us all.

93-95 - Knicks get the ball back with 6 seconds left and a chance to win. Gallo checks in and everyone’s looking for him to come off a screen for a look at a game winner.

93-95 - I can’t believe I got myself excited. The Knicks snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. I wouldn’t be surprised if Al drew up that last play for T-Doog - “When you get the ball, put your head down, dribble around, do a couple half-assed head fakes, and throw up a shot. It always works.” T-Doog bricks an ultra low percentage jumper to end it. Nobody is safe from the Curse.

So the Knicks fall to 1-7 and improve the Jazz’s odds at the #1 pick in the process. I’m going to Blarney Rock to down a couple more beers and ward off the Curse. Stay safe, my friends.

Declare Your King: Game 6

2009-11-07T20:05:05Z

Knicks Game Blog
Declare Your King
Game #6, Home Game #4
Cleveland Cavaliers @ NY Knicks
November 6, 2009 8:00 PM
Attendance: 19,763
Duration: 2:19

Obviously, there is a ton of buzz around the Garden. Nobody is shy about their allegiances – people are here to see LeBron and could care less about the success of the current Knicks.

People are taking pictures of this homeless guy on 33rd screaming about LeBron. “LeBron’s coming!! LeBron’s coming!!” It’s not that creative and quickly gets repetitive, but you have to admire the devotion.
Seats in the garden are already filled even though it’s still twenty minutes until tip off. There are probably more LeBron jerseys than Knicks jerseys in the arena.

Bernie Williams is in the house for the national anthem. Supposedly current Yankees will be here, too, to support Superfan LeBron. I heard they’ll be serving his favorite food at the concession stands and all ushers will be wearing Air Max LeBron VIIs.

During the player introduction, the PA guy announced Larry “Huuuuuuuuuuuughes!” That’s a definite change from the last time I was here and hearing it will probably be my favorite Knicks highlight of the night.

0-2 – LeBron casually hits a seemingly impossible jumper and is well on his way to 50.

I’m kind of put off by the crowd tonight. A buzz comes over the crowd whenever LeBron touches the ball and no one seems to care how the actual Knicks play. It feels like an exhibition.

8-16 – LeBron hits a circus shot at the shot clock buzzer. Cavs still haven’t missed a shot. I should’ve just bought Globetrotter tickets.

12-18 – The Cavs are covering Duhon like guys cover the special kid in gym class. Everyone knows there’s a 1% chance he’ll score but you have to at least stay within five feet of him so you don’t look like a dick. The special kid in gym class plays PG for the Knicks.

15-18 – Gallo hits a 3 to cheer me up a little bit. At least we know we’ll have Gallo for a while.

19-23 – I’m blinded by the glare from Illgauskus’s head. Even among a bunch of high flying, 6’9 superman athletes, Z is a freak.

19-29 – Duhon bricks a layup as he throws the ball off the backboard with the finesse of a drunken frat boy trying to unhook a bra.
19-31 – Camera just shows CC Sabathia, who would literally be the largest player in the Knicks rotation. I love this team.

21-35 – Oos and Ahs fill the Garden as James whips a left-handed 75 MPH fastball to a wide open Z. The Knicks have no offense and the Cavs are doing whatever the hell they want on offense. This is the biggest game in MSG all year and the Knicks didn’t even show up for the 1st quarter.

21-40 – Jared Jeffries was the only person in the building who didn’t know LeBron was going to pull up for a 3 at the buzzer. Why don’t you give him some more space with 1.5 seconds left you fucking moron.

LBJ is 8/9 with 19 points and 5 assists.

2ND QUARTER

21-40 – I’m not even sure people are making attempts to return to their seats once they realize LeBron is starting the quarter on the bench. This game will never again get in single digits – Mike Brown should strike a pre-emptive attack on NY and bench LeBron the rest of the game. Take that you illegally tampering bitches!

23-40 – Al Harrington is the King of Who Me. The more obvious the foul, the more likely he is to look around with his palms up like he’s asking, “Who, me? What’d I do?” No wonder these refs have a quick technical foul whistle with certain guys. I’d want to backhand him across the face.

29-51 – Jordan Hill and LeBron check in at the same time and I’m the only person in the building more excited to see Hill than I am to see LeBron.

32-53 – The Huuuuughes era is officially over. He’s getting torched by LBJ and shoots the second the ball touches his hands. He’s the King of Giving a Shit for 5 Games a Year.

34-55 – Jordan Hill just threw the inbounds directly to Varejao. Hill definitely aspires to the Sideshow Bob look, so maybe it was a turnover of respect.

38-57 – The Knicks just got whistled for their second defensive 3 second violation of the half. They’re actually so lazy on defense they’ve twice been punished for covering nobody.

40-60 – D’Antoni must have whispered Hill some directions before he came out on the floor, like Buttermaker to Kelly Leak. “Listen, everyone else on this team sucks. Whenever you get the ball, you shoot it!” Hill’s throwing up shots like that autistic kid in upstate NY.

40-63 – On two straight possessions, Duhon throws bullet passes to players not in a position to shoot that turn into turnovers. He’s either getting paid to throw the game or owns compromising photos of D’Antoni. There’s really no middle ground. He’s completely overwhelmed out there and is consistently the worst player on the floor. In fact, he’s the King of Overwhelmed.

HALFTIME

The people on line at the beer stands are the type of fans that have no clue what the Knicks’ score was in their last game but are full of opinions about the Knicks they heard on WFAN. Nobody really cares how the Knicks looked and all are sure LeBron is coming to NY next year. I’m sorry did I just pour that Bud Light down the back of your Affliction t-shirt? My mistake.

3RD QUARTER

I’m taking a drink anytime our Kings (Al, Hughes, and Duhon) live up to their title (complains to the refs, doesn’t give a shit, gets completely overwhelmed).

51-69 – Knicks go on a little run to start the half but never really put the game in question. LeBron hits another at-the-buzzer jumper that would constitute as a dagger if the outcome of this game was still in doubt.

53-69 – After Duhon throws up a brick after being left wide open (drink), LeBron is fouled and, after the whistle, LeBron takes a couple more dribbles and throws down an acrobatic dunk. The crowd cheers as I chug. Knicks fans are the Kings of Not Really Being Fans (somehow overthrowing Red Sox fans).

53-73 – Hughes misses a shot and holds the follow through pose until the Cavs have already run by him. Ballin’! Thanks for the effort. Drink.

58-75 – Al is flirting with a drink, constantly getting beat defensively and drawing contact offensively. Unfortunately, I underestimated how quickly Al can stop caring.

4TH QUARTER

60-77 – LeBron isn’t in the game so the crowd went from half paying attention to completely apathetic. There are more people in my section playing with their phone than watching the game. Welcome to New York.

66-85 – Everyone on the court is moving at half speed. I’m happy I’m not watching this game out with my friends because games like this reinforce the belief that NBA players don’t give a shit. Watching this game has become a chore.

68-87 – Gallo sinks a 3 as LeBron gets off the bench to check in. He’s wearing a towel around his neck and he’s sauntering like a boxer. I think he might be going a little over the top trying to look good, but hopefully he’s showing off to NY like a sixteen year old shows off in front of a girl he likes.

80-91 – Gallo chips away with a couple 3s and a 2 as the Cavs look like they couldn’t care less.

82-91 – Shhhh…the lead’s single digits…

82-93 – LeBron teasingly slaps away the Knicks with an effortless jumper.

86-98 – Gallo with the Hakim Warrick-esque block on the corner 3! This kid is their best offensive players and works harder than anyone else defensively. He’s the reason to watch the Knicks.

91-100 – Hughes is completely ruining my drinking game by still hustling back on offense and picking up a few garbage points. You’re still Huuuughes to me.

I don’t want to write anything reactionary about what this loss means for the rest of the year. As you can tell, though, the Knicks’ performance left a lot to be desired.

LBJ – 33 points, 8 rebounds, 9 assists. I’m sure all the Yankees will be hanging out at the Blarney Rock afterwards ( A-Rod couldn’t find a bar where he’d fit in less) so I’m going to run over there. Until this summer, LBJ.

Declare Your Love of NY Sports

2009-11-05T21:19:28Z

I did not attend the Knicks game last night. At about noon yesterday I got a call from my buddy Ted who is an attorney in NYC. He said something to me I will never forget.

“I have 2 tickets to Game 6. Meet me at the Dugout.”

I calmly said okay. I walked to MSG, unloaded my Knicks-Pacers stub, and headed to the Bronx.

Maybe I made the wrong decision, but I’ve been a Yanks fan as long as a Knicks fan and I couldn’t say no.

I hope you understand.

LeBron comes in 2 days.

Declare Your Huuuughes: Game 4

2009-11-03T00:00:50Z

Knicks Game Blog
Game #4, Home Game #2
New Orleans Hornets @ NY Knicks
November 2, 2009 7:30 PM
Attendance: 19,763
Duration: 2:17

The smell of boiling hot dogs. The sound of desperate scalpers. The sight of thousands of overweight men wearing a basketball jersey over a t-shirt. Yes, it’s Knicks basketball at Madison Square Garden. I’m going with the old school MSG look - suit pants, loosened tie - out of necessity. (Ok, maybe I’m doing it because I’m nostalgic for the days Wall Street ruled MSG and not New Jersey. We will rise again!)

I try to be cool about it, but I feel really uncomfortable standing in the beer line during the national anthem. Half the crowd is just pissed the taps are off for 90 seconds while the other half is acting like they served under Colonel Nathan Jessup. I’m usually awkwardly trying to figure out the proper positioning of my right hand (Hand on the heart? Behind the back?)while also trying to decide which beer girl looks like she has the quickest lever pull.

1ST QUARTER

2-4: Awesome. I start my career as a Knicks season ticket holder by being unfashionably late. I’m pretty sure at least one of my beers splashed onto someone’s lap during the awkward “excuse me thanks excuse me thanks” row climb over. I hope my neighbors here get used to the free beer that’ll be coming their way throughout the season.

I’m just perfecting my row climb over, so I could use some advice. Do you go crotch or ass? I think in this case the ass is acceptable so you can still face the court, but the crotch is the more instinctive move. Me, I’m a crotch guy.

16-6: Gallo hits the 3 and the Knicks are up ten. So much for the slow starts…I’m sure this all thanks to Chris Duhon’s pep talk, right? And by pep talk, I mean his slimy, bitchy, undermining comments to the media. Yeah, I’m sure that’s what did it.

20-16: Julian Wright hits a two pointer with his foot just inside the line. A dead ringer for Jerry Krause about three row behinds me yells, “Nice shot ya moron!” Jerry is obviously going to be a huge fan of Al Harrington’s shot selection.

29-22: Jared Jeffries bricks a three and a few “boooooos” filter threw the crowd. I scan the crowd and give everyone a, “Take it easy guys he’s trying out there!” stare of disgust, realizing full well that I’m three more Bud Lights away from booing the dancers during timeouts.

2ND QUARTER

33-24: Hughes just ran down a breaking Stojakovic in what looked like one of those Cheetah Runs Down a Wildebeest Discovery Channel videos. Great defensive effort. I do a low pitched “Huuuuuuuuuughes” chant for about 4 seconds until I realize anyone that hears me probably thinks I’m booing. I panic and actually start booing. I’m already a mess. I told Crick we should have bought two season tickets - I’m afraid to eat lunch alone, let alone attend 20 Knicks games by myself.

38-31: Knicks up 7 and I get a merciful intermission. I reload on beers and remind myself that Jerry Krause is not judging me. It’s my ticket and I’ll Huuuuuuuughes if I want to.

38-33: Darius Songalia hits a mid range jumper and every middle aged white man in the building begins to daydream about getting a one day contract with the Hornets.

46-43: There’s a 12 year old kid near me who goes absolutely ape shit every time Chris Paul makes a play. CP3 is fun to watch and all, but the comedic potential of a torn ACL outweighs any other entertainment value he might provide for me tonight. I could be 10 feet away from the Chris Paul “Duke Kid.”

55-51: I refuse to complement our point guard by name, but he just had an Ed Reed-like interception in the middle of the court and took it himself with a difficult finish. It’s really amazing how small these guys make this court look.

58-52: HUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHES. Hughes cleans up a Gallo airball and puts it in just seconds before the halftime buzzer. If the Knicks keep playing like this with Hughes as a starter, I may have to pick up a custom “Huuuughes” jersey.

3RD QUARTER

61-52: As I hold two full beers and stare at the seven occupied seats between me and my seat, I know exactly how our PG feels looking at an open three. I’m going to try and do this right, but I have no confidence that it will end successfully. Both he and I somehow complete our missions as my seat neighbors stay dry and he hits the three to push the lead to 9.

63-52: Whenever David Lee navigates a crowded lane to score an improbable lefty layup, I’m reminded of an argument I made one night that he would be my #1 pick in a Nickelodeon GUTS draft. Forget LeBron - I’d take Lee in Over the Top or Zero G against any man in the league.

65-56: Getting called for a travel in the NBA is like getting a DUI arrest in the 1950s. You not only have to go over the top in your offense - you have to piss off the authorities in doing so. David West scowls at a ref after a seven step travel, completely justifying the whistle on all fronts.

67-63: Hornets are on a run and Harrington turns the ball over, going into the NBA Live 2004 animation where you try to do a crossover with a center and he just rolls it down the court. Somewhere, the virtual Dale Davis is grinning with appreciation.

69-70: And the Hornets take the lead. Before that, Jared Jeffries drove to the basket, completely bricked a dunk attempt, and looked around the arena begging for a phantom foul call. It’s basically the equivalent of “put some beer in that cup” in beer pong and I like it.

72-73: The Knicks are now just whipping the ball out of bounds. Yankee Stadium has the ghosts of Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle. MSG has the ghosts of Stephon Marbury and Moochie Norris.

73-75: Apparently Chris Paul Duke Kid lives for two things: Chris Paul and t-shirt cannons. I’m pretty sure if Chris Paul came out of the intermission here and grabbed a cannon from one of these male cheerleaders, the kid would become a man right in front of Dad.

76-79: Huuuughes 3! I refuse to accept the PA announcer’s interpretation of Larry’s name, which sounds roughly like, “Heeeeeyouze!” Toe-may-toe, toe-mah-toe.

76-79: Jeffries charged out of control into the lane and one of the Hornets bailed him out with a foul. Jeffries isn’t getting up and he’s now surrounded by trainers. He has his arms raised to the sky like he’s just seen God. Trust me, if there was a God, you would have already been dealt for an expiring contract.

76-79: Jeffries just stood up with some type of bandage over his eye. Literally nobody clapped.

77-81: Chris Paul Duke Kid fights back tears as CP3 misses a jumper at the buzzer and struts towards his bench. Knicks down 4 going to the 4th quarter. Does anyone here have faith in a comeback win?

4TH QUARTER

82-81: Darko shows some touch and the Knicks take the lead! CP3 is on the bench so it’s time for the Knicks to build a cushion.

87-84: Al Duncan? Harrington’s got some money in the bank and puts it off the glass. That shots a win/win - even if he misses, I at least get to sing, “Ain’t got no money in the bank!” to myself.

91-87: Seconds after Paul checks back in, our PG takes him to the hole and gets a three point play! I usually blame stuff like this on camera tricks, but this time I saw it in person - Chris Duhon just destroyed Chris Paul off the dribble. I’m starting to believe.

94-90: A “D! Fence! D! Fence!” chant takes over the crowd as West finds an open jumper and sinks it. Let’s just stick to our strengths and focus on opportunities for a “Huuuuuuughes” call.

102-92: Wow. David Lee with another acrobatic finish and the Knicks have outscored the Hornets 25-11 in the 4th.

102-94: CP3 puts in an athletic layup and Chris Paul Duke Kid does a little fist pump as he quietly says, “Yessssss…” His father is sitting back completely apathetic to the outcome of the game. I hope the MSG crowd does the right thing and heckles the hell out of them on their way out of the arena.

106-98: CP3 hits a ridiculous shot and has a free throw to get within 7 with two minutes to play.

108-99: Lee hits a nice lefty lay in but somehow fouls Paul THREE SECONDS later, sending him to the free throw line. Don’t come to Knicks games expecting expert clock management, folks.

110-101: Don’t expect expert clock management…unless HUUUUUUGHES is involved! Floater as the shot clock expires. This “Huuuughes” custom jersey is going to be a great idea until I see the price at the checkout screen.

110-103: Bullshit moving screen call on Lee. I guess CP3 wears that mouth piece so he doesn’t chip any teeth while taking a dive. Hornets ball, 45 seconds left.

110-103: Stojakovic barely misses a three, Okafor gets the tip rebond, Stojakovic recovers, and GALLO STEALS IT. I’m sure that’s a common phrase for anyone that browses the Staten Island crime blotter, but it’s a rare sight for the Knicks. Is this game on ice?

114-109: Chris Paul Duke Kid and dad scurried away before Paul hit a fadeaway three with 12 seconds left. I’m actually impressed at how few people have left their seats to beat traffic. Knicks fans are a hungry bunch.

117-111: After Harrington hits a couple free throws, Byron Scott does everyone a favor and burns a TO. Let it sink in, fans. It smells like….victory.

——

Tonight’s hero is Larry Hughes, who, in his fist start, tallied 20 points and 6 rebounds while holding down CP3 in the 1st half. I don’t really expect Hughes’s play to continue at this level, but it is worth noting that his last contract year was the best of his career (04/05 -20.5 PPG, 43% FG, 2.7 SPG).

The Knicks will continue their homestand on Wednesday against the Pacers. Half the fun of the game was supposed to be heckling Hansbrough, but since Tyler’s out with a “shin” injury, I’ll guess we’ll have to settle for just cheering on the Knicks to win.

Declare Your Home Opener: Game 3

2009-11-01T03:25:30Z

Knick’s Game Blog Game 1 (Home Opener)
Philadelphia 76’ers @ NY Knicks
October 31, 2009 7:30 PM
Attendance: 19,763
Duration: 2:41

Being that the opening game is on Halloween, the atmosphere around the Garden is really unique. Obviously the girls of New York are dressed how their fathers and boyfriends wished they never would, and the guys all have the “isn’t what I’m wearing the funniest fucking thing you’ve ever seen” looks on their faces. The weirdest thing here is a scalper dressed as a cop. How could this possibly help his sales? I’m scanned, checked, and making my way into the home opener.

I’ve never been to a basketball game on Halloween before and I think the whole holiday atmosphere is throwing some people off. For example, Nate Robinson seems noticeably mad that David Stern scheduled their opener on Halloween. While the rest of the Knicks are shooting around and rebounding (you know, because they have a basketball game in 6 minutes), Nate is leaning on the scorer’s table scowling at his teammates like D’Antoni just told him he’s going to be late to his Halloween Party. You either love him or hate him – there is no indifference when it comes to Nasty Nate.

Gallo is in the starting lineup, I like this move. And just as I say that, he drains his first 3 of the game. I’d say the over under on attempts for Gallo is 12 and I’m gonna take the over as he takes and makes his second of the game. Definitely the over. He’s such a smart shooter, and it’s not a 1 way street. He’s going to be creating a lot of good shots for the rest of the team with that Gallo-pump-fake.

OK, I can’t tell if Jeffries is a point guard or a center. But that’s good right? Is anyone looking for a center who likes to sprint off screens that weren’t set for him?

30-15. Elton Brand is causing problems.

(There are 4 guys dressed up as the ninja turtles. If there’s one costume I approve of it’s probably the turtles. So by way of a Halloween miracle, there is another 4 guys literally 6 seats down wearing an identical costume; same row, same section, and same costume. I like the turtles to my right for 2 reasons: 1. they keep calling the beer guy, beer girl. 2. Every time Nate Robinson shoots, Leonardo screams, “don’t!”)

First quarter over, I don’t think the 76ers missed a shot and put up 40. Wilson Chandler lobbed the ball the length of the court as the clock expired and the ball boy slipped on it. The crowd loves it. Why do we suck so much in the 1st quarter? Can this be addressed prior to the games?

(I’m watching the Yanks game as soon as I get home. Apparently, I’m not the only one who recorded the Yanks and doesn’t want to know the score. There’s another season ticket holder in my row, a guy named Mike, that screamed “don’t talk about the Yanks game I recorded it!!” Mine and Mike’s chances of getting out of here completely ignorant to the happenings in the World Series are about as good as Jordan Hill being on the all-rookie team.)

52-41 David Lee makes 2-3 plays a game that just make you happy he’s a Knick. Gallo left a 3 short. He was the only guy in the paint, got the rebound, and finger-rolled a hit shot over Brand. If he’s not part of the Knicks long-term plan – I’ll be bummed.

(Michelangelo, of the cool ninja turtles, just called to the beer girl, and the “beer girl”- who’s actually a chubby sweaty Stan Van Gundy-lookin man, responded, “go fuck ya-self.”)

67-51 Gallo hits his 3rd three-pointer and Steve Scott (PA Announcer) does a bullshit Italian accent when Gallo makes it. Gallo got mad at this last year – why do they allow it? He used to say ‘that’s amore’ or something, but now he says Gallinari like a fake-Sicilian. If Gallo goes cold at any point – I’m blaming Scott.

Half time. JabbaWockeeZ are performing right now, so I’m in the food line. I know who they are, because my ex-gf was a dancer and she watched all those shows. I also know I’d rather be in the food line. I’m going with 2 beers, and peanuts. This is my go to food at ANY sporting event. I get so much enjoyment out of the peanuts. It takes at least 20 minutes to eat them. And you can share.

74-53. This is the best I’ve seen Elton Brand look since 2002. He’s completely rejuvenated. David Lee can’t guard him and he just picked up his 4th foul.

77-61. This is the loudest The Garden’s been tonight. Gallo doesn’t gel his hair, he just hit consecutive 3’s, and blocked Thaddeus Young. This kid is killing Italian stereo-types by the minute.

93-79. People are starting to leave, but we’re just not making open shots. We can’t shoot this bad all season. (I can’t even type that with confidence)

(Most inappropriate costume goes to Len Bias with white powder under his nose. How long would that guy last if he was in Boston? Over/under: 43 seconds.)

96-81. Down 15 to start the 4th. This sucks, because we’ve really gone basket for basket besides the 1st quarter shit storm.

105-87. Nate just limped to the locker room. I made a comment to the guy on my right about how Nate really just wants to get to a Halloween party. Then I realized the entire row consisted of Jason Voorhees, Marilyn Monroe, and Joe DiMaggio. Jason thought it was funny.

105-90. Danilo….. GALLLLINARIII!!!!

107-93. Chris Duhon just showed up.

112-103 – Danilo….. GALLINARII!!!!! (He hit that one all the way from Jersey) Harrington just took a charge, and Jason, me, and the 12,000 people left here are on our feet. Gallo is already in his “it’s never a bad shot when he shoots” territory. I can’t remember a Knicks shooter getting there as quickly as he does.

2:12 remaining. The first “D-fence” chant since the first quarter started. 5 point game. Why do we only play like this when we’re down 12? Anyone? Has anyone seen Ferris Bueller?

119-112. This is what a D’Antoni offense should look like. They’re playing confident. I don’t know if the Knicks have turned the ball over this quarter, but we’re still trading baskets. Knicks timeout.

121-117. MSG, this is Al Harrington. He will be our 10 million dollar forward for the season. There’s no way he’s worth the money, but Harrington and Gallo are at the forefront of this comeback.

121-120. GALLINARI!!! Are you kidding me? Was there any question who was taking that shot? What are Eddie Jordan and his disgusting teeth doing over there?

11.4 seconds remaining. How did we get back into this game? (I can’t wait to re-watch the 4th.)

122-120. 10.7 seconds left. WE WILL WE WILL ROCK YOU. At what point do we stop playing this song? I like Harrington in the post here.

122-122. Chris Duhon off the high screen, and we’re tied up. He had Harrington on the roll too, but he made the right decision. Every single 76er is staring at Gallinari.

I hope we didn’t burn all our fuel before this overtime because we have momentum.

We win the tip in OT, and Harrington takes a horrible shot. You Take the good with the bad.

125-122. I think this is the Knicks first lead of the game? There is no one to guard Harrington. I can’t believe I just typed that.

133-127. Harrington just went down but he appears fine, and now the shit hits the fan. 9-0 run by the 76ers, and everything is falling for Philly.

I’m not posting the scores anymore.

Final: 141-127

There are a lot of positives to take out of this game. But in all reality, we’re 0-3 against the Bobcats, 76ers, and Heat. The only game we couldn’t have won was in Miami.

Gallo is going to have a huge year. You can see his confidence rising. He drove the lane off the wing a few times tonight and it didn’t look awkward, it actually looked really athletic. I talk to the guys about how underrated a dribbler and defender he really is, and he’s not even 100%. I’m strangely optimistic.

NYC Story Book: The Receipt

2009-10-17T13:16:24Z

I was talking to my buddy Dick about how many of our best memories are in NYC. Yankee games, Ranger games, The Blarney Rock, Bull Moose, and of course The Big East tournaments, and there’s a rumor that Dick might not be able to attend this year, so maybe that makes me even more nostalgic.

The Receipt

After the Syracuse-UConn game in the Big East tournament last year, my friends and I all woke up with ‘what the fuck just happened’ looks on our faces. We had 6 guys in a one bed hotel room. Our 6’4 UConn friend was engulfing an air mattress jammed under a desk. Another friend was at a perfect 90 degree angle, asleep in a chair, wearing an orange G-Mac jersey, with no pants. 2 of us were in a bed, one on the floor, and one person missing.

We assembled the troops, and on an insider recommendation headed to the ‘Bull Moose’ on W 44th. We got to the BM at about 11 AM. Syracuse wasn’t playing West Virginia until 9 PM. What happened in the bar that day will forever be a mystery, but I can confirm the following events? I think. In no particular order:

Our friend Noon was there, but he hadn’t been there the entire weekend, nor did I see him again, and he doesn’t live in NYC. The jukebox was $57-$85 heavier after we left, the bar tender wasn’t hot but then she was and also hammered. My cousin showed up and was disappointed in how we were acting. Our bar tab would drastically effect the GDP of a 3rd world country in this down economy. 217 cigarettes were smoked, and none of us smoke. A guy that was way too into pool was being made fun of by the entire bar, and he had no clue. A man played “Small Town” and screamed “THIS IS FOR THE SYRACUSE BOYS.” There was puke in both the upstairs and downstairs bathrooms. It was openly accepted that a man was smoking weed in the basement. We were there so long that we made it through 3 separate happy hours. Dick said, “You wanna split some wings?” 14 times. Jeff put enough money in the jukebox so that Goo Goo Dolls will be playing until next year’s Big East Tournament. By the time we left – that entire fucking place was Syracuse Fans.

So we left the BM, Syracuse beat West Virginia, and we went to the rock after the game, but Commissioner Dick was nowhere to be found. At about 2am, I got a text message that said, “I pley for keys.” Now that may not mean much to you, but if you’re Dick’s friend it says a lot. First off, he was alive. Second off, what he meant was “I play for keeps.” Which is true, he does, no one really knows what it means, but what’s important is that deep down, Dick truly believes he plays for keeps all the time.

We all made it back to the hotel with not a word from Dick, and when we got up in the morning he was there. We asked him where the fuck he was last night, but he said he had no clue, except that he showed a cab driver our hotel reservation, and he got dropped off. When a night like this happens it’s important to use your cell phone, credit cards, and all other clues to trace your steps.

From that night we know only 2 things. Dick was texting his ex-gf, his dad, and someone in his phone as Jim Boeheim. 2nd, and most importantly, we know what Dick ate. At 2:34 AM, at a Sbarros in Manhattan, Dick entered alone, ordered 3 meatballs and a Corona, ate in relative silence, and roughly 2 hours later, and made it back to the hotel.

In the history of man, no tiny piece of paper has ever generated more laughter than that Sbarro’s receipt. I think it’s framed somewhere.