Declare Your Celebrity Look Alike: Game 9

Starvin Marvin Williams, Carlton Banks, and old drinking buddies…

(For those who aren’t regular readers - Crick and BG are in the first year of what is hopefully a lifelong commitment to New York Knicks season tickets.  On Fear the Fan, they will attempt to detail their experiences as season ticket holders with full summaries of each of the Knicks’ 41 home games, as seen from their seats.)

Well, this isn’t exactly how we planned it.  When Crick and I bought this season ticket, we were expecting to see the Knicks build off their 34-48 season and be part of the mass of mediocre teams in the middle of the Eastern Conference.  We never considered the Knicks would be on the cusp of tying the worst start in the history of the franchise.  But, here we are.  If the Knicks don’t upset a very talented Atlanta Hawks squad, they’ll fall to 1-8 and all of a sudden the franchise worst mark of 21 wins will be in sight. 

Tonight, I’ll be keeping a close eye on two players - Toney “T-Doog” Doglas and Jumpin Joe Johnson.  T-Doog is quickly becoming a blog favorite because of his ability to drive to the basket and because he keeps alive the hope that Chris Duhon will finally be eliminated from D’Antoni’s rotation.  Jumpin Joe is a free agent after this season and if Donnie Walsh’s dream of landing two marquee players this offseason were to come true, Jumpin Joe could easily be that second piece (after Leapin LeBron, of course).

1ST QUARTER

0-0: ha HA! Jumpin Joe misses the first shot of the game and T-Doog comes out with rebound.  Love at first shot.

0-2: The Duhon-is-throwing-games theory picks up some more steam as a horrible pass gets picked off by Josh Smith for an easy dunk as the Knicks set the record for “Quickest Chorus of Boos from the MSG Crowd.”

3-5: Another Duhon turnover.  From where I’m sitting, it really seems like Carlton Banks is playing PG for the Knicks.

10-7: I hope you’re watching, LBJ.  T-Doog and Gallo score the Knicks’ first 10 points.  Watch your backs MJ and Scottie!

18-18: Jamal Crawford sinks a jumper to tie it.  Sure, Jamal doesn’t give a shit about defense, passing, or rebounding, but it’s good to see him again.  He’s like that college friend that was a lot of fun back in the day who you can’t really associate with anymore in adult life.  Every time you run into him now, you can’t help but drink too much and stay up all night reminiscing.  Sure, if you sit and think about it, you remember all the drunken fights and that time you caught him with his hand on your girlfriend’s ass…but that’s why you only see him once in a while.  Welcome back, Jamal. 

25-23: Who the fuck is Maurice Evans.  Oh.  After Ronnie “Role Models” Price’s success on Wednesday and Maurice’s 3 to end the 1st quarter, I’m realizing that this “who the fuck is…” entry will be a regular feature.  Madison Square Garden - where 11th men go to shine!

2ND QUARTER

35-27: Jumpin Joe re-enters the game and promptly commits two turnovers.  Carlton Banks takes that as a direct challenge.

37-27: Al Harrington comes out of nowhere for a tip in slam after a Huuuughes miss and ATL takes the timeout.  Al doesn’t crash the boards often, but when he does no one even thinks about boxing him out.  He’s got sneaky effort.

42-32: Zaza Pachulia’s offensive board sets up Jumpin Joe for a 3 pointer.  Wasn’t Zaza Pachulia that Batman villain who carved a tally in his skin every time he killed somebody?  I heard his brother Two Face Pachulia is a 6’11 19 year old in the Serbian Basketball Association and Chard Ford is projecting him for the lottery.

51-37: The Knicks are hitting open shots and have been outplaying one the best teams in the conference.  It’s been so much fun that I’m only on pace for three beers tonight.  If the Knicks win a championship one day, my liver might actually live past 30.

54-47: My updated rankings of “Best Racially-Ambiguous NBA Players” is: 1) Boozer the Bruiser, 2) Mike Bibby, and 3) Anthony Parker.

3RD QUARTER

61-58: Uh oh, here come the Hawks.  Carlton Banks misses a lay up and Josh Smith follows with an easy basket on the other end.

67-64: This feels like one of those nights when you’re carrying a perfect buzz into a bar and every word you say makes some cute girl laugh.  But you have a couple more beers, take a couple shots with friends, and all of a sudden the mojo is slipping away and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.  You slur a couple of punchlines, you slip off the stool and look around frantically hoping no one saw, and you say something wildly inappropriate that sounded completely legitimate until you heard it out loud.  Why did the Knicks have to take that shot of Beam?  I blame this all on our old friend Jamal.

71-78: The Hawks are on a run and I don’t think they’ve taken a shot from farther away than 10 feet the last 5 minutes.  I’m impressed that it only took the Hawks three quarters to realize the Knicks have no interior defense.

77-84: Starvin Marvin Williams scores to move the Hawks lead to 7.  I’ve been waiting all game for him to do something just so I’d be able to go home and look up a picture of the original Starvin Marvin. 

4TH QUARTER

79-88: T-Doog comes in for Carlton and the crowd cheers.  As badly as Walsh missed on the Knicks’ 1st round pick, grabbing T-Doog for a 2011 2nd round pick and $3 million looks like a move that could dividends for years.  The kid’s got an aura.

86-94: The ball just went through Jeffries hands.  Right through his freaking hands.  I’ve only been attending games this year, but this is the loudest I’ve heard the boos in MSG.  Brutal, brutal turnover.

97-111: The Knicks are emptying the bench with 90 seconds left.  And by emptying the bench I mean finally putting lottery pick Jordan Hill on the floor.  I wonder what Brandon Jennings is doing tonight?  (Editor’s Note: 32 points, 9 assists in a win over the Nuggets.)

101-114: More boos as the game ends.  Honestly, the performance was better than I expected and the final score doesn’t reflect how close the game was throughout the first half.  Now, the Knicks need a win over the Warriors on Friday in order to avoid setting a franchise record for worst record in team history.